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This finding was at odds with the students' preconceived notions, says psychologist Marissa Harrison, who co-authored the study. Neil Lamont, a London-based psychologist, thinks people generally tend to see men as more pragmatic or even commitment-avoidant.

Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love

And while societal and cultural norms may have dictated that men should be strong and resilient, the reality is [that] a well-lived life for men will typically involve deep and meaningful, loving relationships. Men are far more inclined to get fired up about a mate but also more likely to look around. As for why they might fall in love faster, Marissa says women are evolutionarily more cautious—with good reason.

Women have a lot more to lose reproductively by committing to the wrong man. They are born with a finite number of eggs, yet men produce millions of sperm on a daily basis.


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A man can easily fall in love "from afar," Jonathan and David Bennett say, and know very quickly that he's in love. But compare this to women, who may be more likely to "assess feelings of love based on physical attraction along with other factors including a potential partner's personality ," they say, "which means it may take longer for a woman to 'warm up' to a potential partner, and the person can grow on her over time. Men can quite literally experience the phenomenon of "love at first sight," and experience feelings without much more information, while a lady needs a bit more info.

Not surprisingly, this might have to do with biology once again. According to brain studies, men tend to be more visual. That said, anyone can feel attracted to someone based on looks alone, and feel excited about the possibility of what may come next in the relationship. As mentioned above, there aren't too many differences when it comes to falling in love. And that's something that seems to be reflected in the research.

A strong connection is real, no matter the age difference.

Studies have shown that, despite what pop culture might say, both men and women are looking fine love, settle down, and have a successful marriage in equal numbers. Both are looking for pretty much the same thing, too. And really, who wouldn't want that? There are so many factors that go into the feeling of falling in love, so it's no surprise that men and women can certainly differ in this arena. The researchers also found that for men, an over-perception of a woman's sexual interest in them was linked with more frequently falling in love , which may explain why they eventually went on to report a feeling of unrequited love.


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  8. The thing to keep in mind is that love is tough to define , and thus can be difficult to research. Women and men may express themselves differently, or experience things through a different lens, but at the end of the day, love is love — and gender doesn't always play a role. Harrison, M. Women and men in love: who really feels it and says it first? Wilkins, R. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 30 1 , pp.

    10 Important Qualities Of a Good Man - What Women Really Want in a Man

    All women know the fear of dealing with an angry, jealous man who is accusing her of sexual infidelity. She might face assault from a mate who had a bad hunting day and took his anger out on her. It took me a long time to fully appreciate the fears that women live with every day.

    I believe that what women want more than love is a partner that they can feel safe with. They want a partner who understands the inherent dangers in being a woman and who is committed to playing his part in protecting her. Why do men have a difficult time giving women the feelings of safety they need? Second, because he is vulnerable to rejection.

    If a woman turns him down or cuts him off, he may react with anger. Third, because men feel less needed today than ever before and their roles are unclear, they are much more reactive and their anger can be set off more easily.

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    It helped me to be less angry when I understood that my anger was making my wife more fearful. It helped her to reconnect more quickly when she realized that her withdrawal contributed to my pain, loneliness, and anger. We must both understand the evolutionary challenges we face in finding a mate and having children. Do men and women both want love? Of course they do. Do men and women both want sex?

    5 Ways Women Fall in Love

    Yes, again. Yet, we faced different challenges , years ago and we face different challenges today. Women still carry the babies and men must still compete to be chosen. To have more sex and love in our lives, we both must learn to provide real safety—a safe harbor for men and a safe partner for women. Your comments are appreciated. Please share below and join me on Twitter. Originally published on Men Alive.

    Get the best stories from The Good Men Project delivered straight to your inbox, here. Sign up for our Writing Prompts email to receive writing inspiration in your inbox twice per week. Jed Diamond, Ph.